The Thoughts of Charlie Sheen

Mostly direct quotes from The Half Man himself. Delivered in an Aussie accent. Deal with it.
I did the music myself in Garageband.

The Max Mo version:

Find more artists like Max_Mo at Myspace Music

Jeris’ amazing jazz remix:

The Thoughts of Charlie Sheen

I’m Charlie Sheen.
Not Chaim Levine.
Wow. What does that mean?

I’m victimized Demonized
Not like you with your boring lives
Your sexless ugly wives

I got goddesses to make you sigh
Got the best women money can buy

That’s the code. And we all live by it. Comatose.
I am grandiose. Because I live a grandiose life.

A sitcom man everyone mentions
I’m a peaceful man with bad intentions.

A brain that’s screwed by coke & dope
I’m spiritual. I work for the pope.

Fists of fire. A Vietnam chopper.
There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.

You boring nerds are tame & tragic
I expose people to magic.

Vintage balderdash. Call me vain?
You can’t process me with a normal brain.

You guys are zeroes why not face it?
I’m a grandiose life, and I embrace it.

Bring me a challenge. Somebody.

Throw a wrench. Rage against the machine.
I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen.

I improvise like hardbop jazz.
The scoreboard doesn’t lie. Never has.

I don’t think people are ready for the message I’m delivering… I don’t know, winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning? Anyone? Yeah, that would be us.

The last time I used? What do you mean? I used my toaster this morning.

If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.
Apocalypse Now
will teach you how
to live inside of a moment between a moment.
Change your brain.
They can’t hang with me. Their bones would melt like wax.
Bring me a challenge. Somebody.
Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.
You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like ’Dude, can’t handle it. Unplug this bastard.’ Teamwork. Bang.
It was so gnarly I can’t remember.

The wildfires are spreading.
The meek are scattering.

Duh, #WINNING. Everything. Next question.
I’m bi-winning. I win here, and I win there. Process it.
I don’t live in the middle anymore.
I don’t think people are ready for the message I’m delivering.

Can’t is the cancer of happen.
I’m an F-18 bro.
I will deploy my ordinance.
My fire-breathing fists.
I’ve got tiger blood and Adonis DNA,
I’m done. It’s on. Bring it.

Process it.

I am battle-tested bayonets bro.
I am special, and I will never be one of you.
The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger and Richards look like droopy-eyed armless children.
I’m on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.
This is me NOT on drugs bro.
I’m cured. I’m done. Overrr.
Carlos Irwin Estevez. I’ve lost my Sheen.
I’m a wiener.
Anger is my passion.
Hotel room’s for trashin’.

You may remember me from 2 & a half men. I’m the half…


The end.

Wow. Then what.
Not gonna happen.
Shut up . Shut UP.. Period.
Move forward. Deal with it.

© rob walker, 2011

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