{"id":1365,"date":"2012-05-10T07:40:29","date_gmt":"2012-05-09T20:40:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/?page_id=1365"},"modified":"2015-09-13T01:34:41","modified_gmt":"2015-09-12T14:34:41","slug":"dont-buy-any-green-bananas","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/?page_id=1365","title":{"rendered":"Don&#8217;t buy any green bananas"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F37225918%3Fsecret_token%3Ds-yDUJK&amp;show_artwork=true&amp;secret_url=true\" width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" frameborder=\"no\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Rocavaco&#8217;s remix of <em>Your Horrorscope .<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Your Horrorscope<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Capricorn.<\/p>\n<p>You may interact with a man sometime in the next few days. This could be the catalyst for a life-changing experience. Or not.<\/p>\n<p>You like to assess all the risks before you jump. Face it. You never will.<\/p>\n<p>Just remind yourself every day that Life is the ultimate terminal disease.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Aquarius.<\/p>\n<p>Sensitive and New Age, naturally you want the approval of all of your friends and relatives. Be patient. They are beginning to understand you. You are a gutless wimp who can\u2019t make decisions. You have about as much spine as overboiled fettuccine. You will never find true happiness.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Pisces.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll have a lot of interruptions on Monday. Try to focus.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019ll prevaricate later in the working week. Don\u2019t wait until matters reach crisis-point. It\u2019s time to confront your close friend and colleague. Level with her about the halitosis.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Aries.<\/p>\n<p>This week you\u2019ll be delayed in traffic at some point. Don\u2019t have an anxiety attack \u2013 you\u2019ll probably eventually arrive wherever it is that you want to go.<\/p>\n<p>On Friday you\u2019ll finally pluck up the courage to see your doctor about that long-term problem. The news won\u2019t be good. Put it this way &#8211; if I were you I wouldn\u2019t be buying any green bananas\u2026<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Taurus.<\/p>\n<p>Those financial problems you\u2019ve been having lately will soon be a thing of the past. By the end of this week you\u2019ll want for nothing. The mortgage will be paid in full and you\u2019ll have a state-of-the-art Home Theatre System. You\u2019ll still have niggling doubts about the ethical issues surrounding the robbery and shooting that unfortunate security guy in the stomach.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Gemini.<\/p>\n<p>Nothing at all will happen to you for the next seven days. Try to avoid disappointment.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Libra<\/p>\n<p>Being a Libran, you\u2019re inherently inquisitive. This week you\u2019ll ask the postman \u201cWhy is the sky blue?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Leo.<\/p>\n<p>Friends have learned to accept your wearing your heart on your sleeve. But there\u2019s a limit. They\u2019re not especially interested in the details of your sexual relationships. When they ask \u201cHow are you?\u201d they don\u2019t really want to know about your fungal infection. But stand your ground. Don\u2019t change. By the end of the month your friends will have moved on\u2026<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Scorpio.<\/p>\n<p>Now that taciturn Saturn has left the vital mid-heaven angle of your chart, all those persistent problems of last month will resolve themselves. The rash in your groin will clear up nicely, the bank manager you detest will die unexpectedly of an aneurism and that nubile young thing from Accounts will turn into a nymphomaniac with eyes only for you.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Sagittarius.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s no sugar-coating this one. Pluto\u2019s entered your constellation and doesn\u2019t bode well. Best to stay in bed all week and watch day-time TV, order in pizza, drink wine from the cardboard box and suffer chronic depression.<\/p>\n<p>Perhaps you could recall all of your past failures with the opposite sex? (Or your own?)<\/p>\n<p>Why not make a list of every mistake you\u2019ve made in your life or think of all the clever things you <em>should<\/em> have said to those who\u2019ve hurt you?<\/p>\n<p>Accept it. You\u2019ve always been a loser. It\u2019s just your typical luck. You don\u2019t deserve any better.<\/p>\n<p>Or you could look on the bright side \u2013 sure, you haven\u2019t achieved anything in your pathetic little life, but, on the other hand, you probably never will\u2026<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Virgo.<\/p>\n<p>Discussions in a group you&#8217;re affiliated with could get heated as disagreements escalate. In a just world that goal you&#8217;ve been working toward would finally near fulfillment on Saturday night. But the world isn\u2019t fair. Your frigidity will remain intact. You are doomed to live out the name of your star-sign. Longer-term prospects indicate that you\u2019ll still be living with Mother when you\u2019re 59.<\/p>\n<p>Try to remain optimistic.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Cancer.<\/p>\n<p>What I predicted last week about a change for the better didn\u2019t eventuate. Learn to embrace disappointment.<\/p>\n<p>You may even become disillusioned with horoscopes and resolve to take control of your own life.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>\u00a9 Rob Walker Horrorscopes 2011<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; Rocavaco&#8217;s remix of Your Horrorscope . Your Horrorscope &nbsp; Capricorn. You may interact with a man sometime in the next few days. This could be the catalyst for a life-changing experience. Or not. You like to assess all the &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/?page_id=1365\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":531,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1365","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1365","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1365"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1365\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2545,"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1365\/revisions\/2545"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/531"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.robwalkerpoet.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1365"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}